I have never shared stories about being sexually harassed. I usually confront such people and put such little shits back to where they belong. I believe a lot of women go through online harassment because of multiple reasons like expressing their views ( which are a tad hard to digest for some narrow minded jerks), putting up bold/sexy pictures, etc. Before I go further with the topic, I need to make it clear, this piece comes from my personal experience and is specific to certain category of men, and is not generalized, so kindly do not be offended.
We are talking about harassment on/off social media here, for instance, dealing with creepy men contacting me over the internet. These range from people several years younger than me (I’m 24) to people who are way older than me inviting me to hang out, talk over a call and not taking the hint when I do not respond to them. It’s been almost three years that I’ve been using Instagram and over time I’ve come to realize this is an issue prevalent to almost most women who are active on social media.
I post a lot of pictures on Instagram, albeit some of them might be sexy, bold, and why ? Because I am a person who is confident, I love how I look. Everyone loves compliments I’m sure, but at some point sharing your gross opinions about my body/face is where you are crossing a line. There are several things wrong with that. I am a woman who has been struggling with her body image for several years. So every time you make a deprecatory comment about my weight or about my assets, you indirectly make it evident that women are more valued by the size of their jeans rather than their character. There are countless times I’ve been groped at parties, been called obscene things like ” fuck me”, been violated by close friends, who “apparently” care for me and for some reason men feel it is socially acceptable to comment on a woman’s body, because a woman’s body is a decoration to be enjoyed by all, and they are always on display, aren’t they?
At some point in our lives, most of us women, have had a creep sliding into our DMs with the classics ‘ send bobs’ or disgusting unasked for dick pictures. I had one jerk tell me that my lips look like those of “a pornstar and must be very kissable” because I have full lips. It is downright disgusting and has a very negative impact on one’s self esteem. And that’s not it, some dudes just don’t get the hint, they would call you up on messenger/Instagram in the middle of the night randomly and keep sending messages continuously even when it is perfectly clear that I have no intention of interacting with them. And the worst part, I have had few friends(I’d rather call them acquaintances) who I thought were decent asking me about my sexual life even when I have never ever discussed about my personal life with them. I am not even sure why they ask what they ask. For the last time, it might be acceptable to ask only a very close friend about her/his personal life, but please remember for the rest it is truly none of your business.
I post a lot of selfies on my Instagram, a lot of them have some of my cleavage showing, a random dude had the fucking audacity of asking for a picture which showed it better or asking for pictures in a bra.
Another time, a guy/girl (no idea because the Instagram profile had no name or picture) was harassing me to be my sex slave, and even though I’ve reported such accounts every time, there’s a sick lot of them there.
A few days back, a guy called me a slut because apparently I was posting sensual pictures to attract men and then I refused to talk to him and I asked him to stop bothering me because most of his comments were obscene and vulgar. He even had the fucking balls to tell me that he was fapping to my picture. I felt so sick I wanted to puke and it even made me cry but it is very messed up, I really doubt the kind of upbringing these bastards would have had.
Sometimes, anonymity over the internet allows anybody to say pretty demeaning things about others be it a normal person or a celeb but we women, most of us become an easy target because what else should we expect if we want to put up a sexy picture? Now more than ever, women are dealing with all sorts of online harassment on a regular basis. Most men think it’s fun to ask for a girl’s number when they don’t even want to talk to you and then make a fuss about how uptight we are.We cannot dismiss this because ignoring such behavior is going to make them continue doing this to other women. Here are a few things men should understand :
- Telling a woman you want to “see more” because you like her appearance is not a compliment, it’s downright insulting.
- Why are you telling a woman about her appearance, without even having a rapport with her?
- A woman does not post nice pictures of herself to attract attention from men, she does that because she feels good about herself. The way she dresses is none of your business. None of it is a consent to harassment online/offline. There are nice ways to compliment someone without making it sound creepy.
- A woman saying she is not interested in talking to you is a very loud and clear message and do not keep on harassing her post that. And do not ever insult a woman if she is non responsive to your advances or is not acknowledging your compliments.
- My body is mine, no amount of public display makes it okay for you to make sexual advances. I am definitely not interested in what’s in your pants.
Don’t shame me for what I choose to do with my body. It takes a great deal of courage to be confident about yourself even with your flaws. Please do not comment on my figure or my face with/without makeup, if I don’t know you. You have no right to. It’s not like you’re Tom Cruise yourselves, are you?
Some men sound so pompous discussing about a woman’s body and they feel they are entitled whether they want to say you’ve a nice ass or you’re sexy or they want to do some very explicit things to you. You know what. Unless I am your friend or I know you personally, don’t bother. Nobody asked for your opinion.
Does sexual harassment give men power or is it something to boast about? Because everytime you do that to someone you take away their self esteem, their safety. Is it fun or is it because you instinctively assume we are going to be interested even though you are a complete stranger? You are completely wrong if you think that catcalling is somehow going to make me take an interest in you.
So next time you catcall someone, think before you speak. If the whole point of complimenting someone is to make them feel good, catcalling does just the opposite. It doesn’t make the other person feel good, it makes them feel uncomfortable. My name is not baby, sexy, princess, etc. and last time I checked, all of my social media accounts have my real name mentioned on them. It’s not okay to tell me “you got nice tits”, “great rack, what’s your size”, “damn that ass”, it’s not at all appealing. I’ve been called a nasty slut and an ungrateful arrogant bitch for not responding. I’m not a thing. I deserve some goddamn respect.
No woman deserves to be objectified or harassed because of what she wears or what she does. No woman deserves to be called an ‘bitch’ or a ‘slut’ if she rejects you or is not willing to talk to you. I’m a not a bitch, “especially” not yours. If men like you can’t deal with a fucking rejection, may be the problem lies with you. Calling me names will not get you the attention you want anyway, so zip it unless you want a kick in the nuts. Don’t ever think I’m powerless. Just sit back and think once, if somebody did the same to your sister or mother, how would you feel?